Journal Entry: Mon Jul 20, 2015, 12:14 AM
And though it might not seem like such a huge change to you, for me it's an enormous difference.
For the last 11 years I've been 'Rag-Dolly'. A name a friend at the time came up with for me, and something that spoke to me for unknown reasons. Then DA offered the ability to change your name and I thought; should I? Nah, my name's going to stick with me forever, no need to join the masses and change it. But I started growing attached to another name; 'Porky'. I felt more in tune with this and started wondering why.
I realized it was because when I was 15 I was aimless. I was a mess and felt I had no control over my life. My life was crappy, filled with dishonesty, violence and perhaps even depression. I literally felt like I was nothing more than a doll made out of rags, dragged across a floor covered in dirt, rusty forgotten objects and dust bunnies. The only positive thing I had in my life were my friends, who to me were also like rag dolls, they kept me going because we were all going through similar hells.
In 2011 I created an account on Iscribble under the name; Porkydoll. I don't quite remember why, perhaps I wanted a fresh start, not have it associated with DA? I do remember that I'd thought long and hard on this name and felt very clever for it. I was not only insulting myself, I was also showing off my endearment for a certain animal, and still had a connecting thread to my name here on DA. After a few years this feeling changed and Porkydoll simply because 'me'. No insult, no alternative meaning, I just am; Porky. I'd get confused if people called me something else (for example on Skype I'm sometimes called 'Lampy' in connection to my name on there).
So what changed my mind about my username here? I began including Porky in my signature recently and realized I couldn't keep adding new names as I saw fit. Sure, my signature became a little larger and more interesting to look at, but I was actually very happy to have a small scribble. Recently I've been making art plans for the future and the thing that I'd been struggling with internally was; PD or RD? And thus; the answer should be clear to you now. I spent a long time thinking on this, but it feels like a good thing, like a nice, fresh start.
This means I'm going to drop a lot of my art into my scraps again, clean up my gallery, possibly delete a few things that I seriously have no interest in/ need for anymore, etc.
Much love and with renewed energy; Porky